Wednesday, 2 May 2012

The 'Indian Husband'

               One of my favorite movies RDB starts with a line ' I always believed there were two kinds of men in this world, men who go to their deaths screaming, and men who go to their deaths in silence. Then I met a third kind.' I always get a feeling that the third kind he actually refers to is about the one I am writing about. The kind that is different than others. Even different from the other married men. He is the most underrated superstar of the world. He is the one who is more like Spiderman caught in a web built by the society.He is bright, charismatic and still so humble and modest. He has suffered from centuries and will probably suffer for a few more.And yet he stands tall, fighting the odds, delivering the goods ( I do not mean the grocery here please) , easy to please. Yes, I am talking about ' THE INDIAN HUSBAND'.

              When I say this guy has suffered from ages and will continue to do so, I meant no exaggeration. The Hindu religion talks about two main holy wars fought. The causes for both were women and the people who fought and died where Indian husbands. Be it the father of Lord Ram who had to send his son to jungle or Lord Ram itself who had to fight after he went looking for the golden deer on his wife's wish. The Indian husband was torn between his duties and his wife if he was the king of old times. The Indian husband is still torn between his wife and mother in modern times.

                In the Indian wedding, people dance and celebrate and have fun. But little does the man on the mare knows that people dancing in his procession are celebrating a different cause. The married men are dancing cause they are happy that the people who suffer like them have increased by one more, the singles dance because they are saved and the women dance to know that they got one more from the enemy clan. What he has failed to realize is the reason why most Bollywood movies get over right after the hero gets the heroine and before they get married is cause we love happy endings. And they know that after marriage there is just ending to the poor guy's life. Nothing is happy about it.

              The poor husband suffers right from Day one. If he listens to what his wife says, he is a henpecked husband. If he listens to what his mother says, he is a 'Mummy' boy. Not just that, if a guy is liked by his in-laws he surely will be hated by his own parents or if the parents find him an ideal son, the in-laws are complaining. When he works too hard to make some money so that the family gets a good life, he is blamed for not spending time with his family. If he spends time with his family, he is blamed and he will be no matter how much he earns, that he could not get enough for his family. Poor guy keeps getting squeezed from all corners of the world.

                He gets into the mode of listening. Everybody has an opinion which will be a new battle waged if worked on. He tries to find solace in the newspaper and news channel. But the most important work to be done will always be remembered by the wife when he just opens the newspaper. The kids have taken control of the TV remote. He is expected to know everything that the wife thinks. He is expected to know how his parents feel. He is expected to work the way his Boss wants.The pressure of expectations makes his shoulders slump.His Blood Pressure increases.And then comes a time when people start saying, Ohh that Mr X, what a man he was, now he is married.

               Like a table tennis ball, he keeps going back n forth between his wife and mother. Like a football, he keeps been pushed around by his boss, colleagues, kids, parents and society.Like in Baseball, he keeps making 'Home runs'.And just like the cricket ball, he is battered and bruised in a few years. He is playing all the sports but is not enjoying it. But the guy still stands tall, remains humble and modest about his achievements of his daily life, keeps a smile on his face and asks the bachelor sitting next to him, 'So when do you plan to get married'?

              So please stand in silence for a couple of minutes or salute the guy, but find some way to respect this superstar.Gift him something whenever you can cause he doesn't have a day for him. Archies makes no cards for him. He just sits there, suffers and does it with grace. A salute to all the Indian Husbands. May God give you the will to be strong. :-)

Cheers!

45 comments:

  1. i guess next time a man is born God should give me a good OS so that he is able to do multitasking and he pleases all and himself...
    All Indian boys are aware of the above facts but still they fall prey to these :)

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    1. We will have to go through the Adam n Eve phase again for that

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    2. hw abt a 'no cribbing and crying app as well'

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  2. Hahaha...very well said...par kya kare ...Shaadi ek aisa ladoo jo khaye woh pachtaye aur jo na khaye woh bhi pachtaye....

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    1. bad experience is always better than having no experience!! :)

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  3. so kapil when are you getting married?????????

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  4. You certainly know how to put up your case-even if it ignores the other side 's lamentations!

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    1. Il take that as a compliment.. Thanks :-)

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    2. she sums it up in one line and i agree with her.. u r good.. u would have made a killer lawyer :P its good tht u rnt in india or u wud have most definitely had a nari shakti morcha at ur doorstep.. wud love to c u plead ur case before them.. lol

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    3. It will be difficult...they say do not argue with a fool..people may not know the difference..lol

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    4. as already mentioned, its just one side of the story.....
      a good entertainer...
      but well, it won't be difficult to argue on this...
      both side views need to be seen...
      Wives are no less sufferers......

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    5. Well it was supposed to be one sided humor..Strangely moe females liked it than males..I wonder why

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    6. speaks volumes for your popularity amongst women :P

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  5. Lovely post!!! Looks like you have written it from your heart.. My hubby is definately going to love this post :)

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    1. Please make sure he reads it... FYI..I am not yet married...lol

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    2. Haan par koi bolega nahi tht u r nt married.. kya pain hai :P... it looks like the rant of a 35 -40 yr old husband cum son cum father cum employee who has been well salted and marinated into the workings of a modern household.. it shud be circulated between all 'MAN'kind.. u'll be made the president of the purush mukti mandal :P.. u can form a support group where all the married men can come and rant freely away from the clutches of the women in their lifes and become happy.. :P

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    3. I will...
      Help me circulate...
      and about the rant..they say 'Shaadi nahi ki toh kya..baaratein bahut dekhi hai'

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    4. leh.. aj kal ki shaadiya bhi mast hai.. barateein dekh k itna sab pata chalta hai..:P

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  6. Replies
    1. You are an Indian husband..you just smiled...lol

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  7. When did you get married Kapil ? I wasn't aware of it. Anyways, well written post, such posts can be written by someone who is feeling this day in day out or someone like this is eating your brain day in day out. :)...well, on a better note, The life is all about ups & downs. You wrote all the down part. Generally your posts have a balance, but this is surely one-sided. The facts you wrote above are all one side of the coin, turn the coin and see the otherside. Life is all about role play. The dad feels so good to see smiles on his kids face (even though the remote is gone)...The husband & son makes him a good manager to balance the things. The guy becomes a ACTIVE LISTENER when he needs to be at home..a very good quality which girls can hardly develop ;)...so there is a flip side to it.....but as it is said, Man gets three rings in his life, Engagement Ring, Marriage Ring and suffeRing.........

    Whatever it is, life must be enjoyed....look at it from different perspective.....all said & done....let me become that poor guy now.......bloody DO YOU HAVE ANY OPTION ? ..we have to suffer each & every time..still we CANNOT TAKE ANY DECISION .....:(((((((((((((((((((...Who says this is man's world....Get his married and dare he say that again...:)...Thank God, Columbus was not married...else he would have never found America...apologies if my history is wrong..I hardly get time to go in past and enjoy my memories..not that i lost my memory...i am married.....coming back to Columbus...if he was married, his wife would have asked him 100 questions before going to expedition.....Where are you going ? who is with you ? why you have to go always ? who will get the grocery when you are out ? why others never go out for months and have good time home ? why can't you do it ? You always want to go away from me. Do you love me ?...you were not like this before marriage..etc etc etc......Columbus would have stayed QUITELY at home instead of going out...

    So.....married men....we have no go buddies....Try to enjoy life as it comes..:).

    P.S. In case my wife reads this post and you don't see any reply from me next time...observe 2 min silence..:))))))

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    1. You smart another Indian husband..You saved yourself by not putting in your name...Looks like you are married from a long long time and are learning the tricks of the trade..lol

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    2. hahha...I wanted to put my name at the end but was so excited to publish the post that i missed...well u know me very well..
      ~Umesh

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    3. i almost thot that u were going to contradict everything he was saying until i got to the second paragraph of your comment.. i njoyed ur comments.. ur pain can be felt through ur words.. lol.. n RESPECT for the courage u show to post such a comment.. lol

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  8. its not true....get married and then you will get to know other side too....:)

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    1. lol.. even after he gets married he'll very convincingly prove that he is the victim.. he hs got his way with words

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  9. Nice post!!! True men have their own pieces of pain-glad you write about it because often men speak about their issues through bad jokes rather than do deep introspective work. Indian men do have a lot to deal with psychologically and Indian mothers/wives can be brutally possessive at times!

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    1. i thot the post was supposed to be an attempt at humour..

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  10. u r such a dramaking.. wht a melodramatic start.. did u assist in one f the farah khan movies?? lol... RDB!! rlly!! lol.. nice touch

    the father of LORD Ram!! ya, blame it on the GODS nw..

    'But the most important work to be done will always be remembered by the wife when he just opens the newspaper."... hehe, nice..


    hey Bhagwan.. Indian Husband nahi hua, mother TERESA ho gaya.. look closely.. u may find a virtual halo around their heads :P bechare!

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    1. yes, n its also good tht u r mentally preparing urself for the inevitable so it'll be a lot easier for u to deal with the pain later :P acceptance is best :P

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    2. Kapil, you kept quite on Harshada's last post... I think being unmarried you already learnt trick of the trade, a hus(banned) in the making ;-)

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  11. Very true and very well put. I always feel the Indian husbands are the true unsung heroes. Everyone worships their mother and the efforts she takes in raising a child. But, the father is the one facing the real challenges. He quietly lets others take the accolades. And all this is true only for the "Indian" husband. Men around the world are much more independent and "personal happiness" very important for them. Reason why their divorce rates are high. They don't mind putting their children and family lives at stake if they aren't feeling fulfilled or even well appreciated. So ya the least we can do is make our Indian counterparts feel that yes, we know what you're doing, we are aware of your hard life. Definitely give him gifts and more importantly, respect.

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  12. What about the lucky Indian Husband??? He is the person for whom his wife fasted for days/ weeks even before she knew him! Now she fasts for his longevity of life and for his good health!! She cooks for him, as per his wishes and choices, cleans the house, takes care of the kids, so what if she is also working?! He is the unsaid force behind every movement.he is the God jiski woh aarti utaarti hai...His American counterpart washes dishes, does the laundry every weekend, picks and drops the children from school on designated days of the week....and he orders pizza thrice a week and eats week old food for the rest of the week...

    On a lighter note, Kapil, tumhara number kab ayega??? when are you getting married???

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    1. Iska Intezaar toh 11 mulko ki Police ko BHi hai..lol

      I am glad you are reading the blogs..Would love your feedback..

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  13. Home is one place where ONLY women have ruled, will continue to rule and take pride in it... :D

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  14. Home..No..they rule the world...To know what I am saying read 'The weaker sex' post of mine ;-)

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  15. Very well written :)
    but as others said, that's just one side of the story....
    The Indian wives are no less sufferers....
    If you have added "Indian" to your article then I would emphasize on it too..
    There wouldn't have been this inequity...

    "If only" majority of Indian families had imbibed the unbiased decisions wrt to education, work, perspective, priority, expectations, values, traditons,rules for a gal and a guy!!!
    .. then no guy would have been alone burdened with all the family responsibilites..
    ... no gal would have been burdened to know each and every thing just the day after marriage..
    .. if a guy is expected to work hard and get money , the lady suffers no less in being highly responsible for all other things in the family...

    .. and about getting sandwiched between mother & wife... it's agin due to the values that a typical Indian woman has been instilled with...

    of course,these things dun apply to all Indian families but majority of them!



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  16. Not sure if I completely agree with your view. Being an Indian daughter-in-law is easily the most challenging role in our society. :)

    Good piece, I like the flow and words come from the heart. Excellent perspective.

    Given that you aren't married, hope the post doesn't influence someone's decision. :):):)

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    1. Thanks!!
      I hope it does and help a few men... :-)

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  17. I enjoyed reading it Kapil. And I also agree to what Sunishi says there, that being India d-i-l is the most challenging role. I am the typical husband in this post and I completely relate to it. Though, I would not say that you have only highlighted this part. There are good times and parts as well, but the fact is mainly, life is about sacrifices for the Indian husband, who remains torn between Mom and wifey, his own wishes and choices and family welfare, kids and family priorities take over his own hobbies and passions and the time flies by.
    My only grouse with wife would be, that they become overly dependent on husbands and starts thinking everything related to be done with anything at home is husbands job. They have given birth to kids and are raising them as house moms, taking care of the house, food, clothes etc, means now that everything else is to be though of by hubby and if he is not doing it, he is failing. Anyways, I think I have gotten into a direction which will become a post in itself.

    The way I read, when you wrote this, you weren't even married. Wonderful expression Kapil! Cheers!!!

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  18. Totally i can related every word ... being ripped apart. Thanks for the blog. Brought a smile on my face after quite some time.

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